Dumbbells Up!
On the power of dumb propaganda to win elections
Word of the Week: Dumbbells
Let’s dispense with the AI definition since you know what they are; plastic yellow, blue or pink thingies you can grasp easily and use for water exercises or aquafit. And there are metal versions, at your gym where we all go to keep fit here in enlightened Canada. And finally, there are plenty of human dumbbells in Canada. Indeed, you could say that we’re suffering through the Age of Canadian Dumbbells. Just look at hose two guys in the Elbows Up video; they are perfect examples of the type. And since this strategy worked so well during the last election, I bet that they’re going to recycle it for the coming one. Because whoever heard of an electorate that realized it had made a mistake and learned from it?
Ahem. Having said all this, allow me to tell you a story in which dumbbells are the main character(s). The setting is Canada, City of Victoria and the Oak Bay Recreation Centre.
When you enter from the humid horrors of the shower, you find yourself in an enormous hall with two pools, two saunas and a hot tub, all of it patrolled by two or three pool people in their twenties. They chat amiably, make friendly eye contact and sometimes tell a confused senior to get out of the fast lane. Loud retro music is blasting from hidden speakers, and a middle aged woman is leading a herd of seniors in an energetic aquafit workout. Others swim in three lanes, chat in the hot tub or lounge about on benches. Unless it’s an official time slot for children, there are none. Though an effort has been made to entertain them with life size sculptures of otters and a gigantic, grinning bubble-gum pink Octopus sporting an off kilter baseball cap by the kiddies pool. It’s friendly, low key and unremarkable in every way. Very Canadian.
And if you’re normal, you will miss the 9X12 piece of paper taped to the side of the big plastic vat on the pool deck, holding yellow dumbbells. I had never noticed it before, but to my surprise, it had detailed instructions on how to use the dumbbells and where. In 50 point type. Like it was important. Puzzled, I called over the pool guy to verify what I was seeing. Have you ever noticed this sign before? I inquired politely. No, he said, I’ve never even read it. We exchanged looks and then burst into mild, Canadian laughter. Clearly, somebody at Oak Bay believes in the power of signage and the proper use of dumbbells by dumbbells.
Clearly necessary because the demented people/dumbbells in the pool could try to stuff those dumbbells into their ears or other orifices and do serious damage to themselves. Such a misuse of dumbbells must be stopped at all costs. We can’t let those old fogies and crazy millennials hurt themselves. It’s mayhem, is what it is. In Canada, we believe in order and good government. At least until very recently when we elected an international banker with impeccable net zero ‘values’ and a noted talent for sleight of hand. Or maybe that should be sleight of dumbbells.
So thank you to the staff at Oak Bay! Not only did you make me and the pool guy smile, thus creating rare common ground between generations, but you also took it upon yourselves to deliver safety to an out of control population. That’s not nothing!
It’s yet another reason to be a proud card-carrying Canadian in a post-national state that has an authentic globalist/capitalist masquerading as its ‘Prime Minister’. Whose talent is delivering sober speeches to the gobsmacked great at Davos that would make Solomon envious. He talks an impressive game and always finds the sweet spot when it comes to irritating the evil Orange Man down south.
This is advertised by our ‘media’ as a brilliant move, proof that Carney’s ‘elbows up’ attitude is working for us. We should just forget that for all the lovely speeches and expensive jetting around the globe, there is still no deal with the USA. The only thing we have to show for a year of Carnage Carney is a pile of official papers with vague promises to ‘deliver’ on ‘cooperation and investments’ and many, many words. There’s an old Elvis tune about that, something about wanting fewer words but a lot more action. It could become our new national anthem if we carry on with Carney.
If I may, I would like to see us upgrading to ‘dumbbells up’ during the next CUSMA meeting because it’s clear we need more than elbows. Something big, colourful and plastic. The elbows didn’t deliver as advertised, that is, a deal with our most important trading partner, frenemy, and holiday destination. We still don’t have one and the old one, CUSMA, is about to get cancelled.
More Signs and Omens
Meanwhile, when the ‘media’ isn’t waxing lyrical about Carney’s speeches, there is endless talk about the urgent need for Canadians to be ‘united’ because a spring election is brewing like a thundercloud in the background, proving yet again that we are, indeed, a Democracy. The kind where the PM can call an election at his pleasure; an undemocratic advantage enjoyed by no other leader in western democracies. Now, one the strange rules of reality is that paradox reigns, which in this case means that in a subliminal way, we’re getting the message that the country if fracturing under our feet. I’m going to argue that the more we talk about Unity, the less we actually have it. Which is a Bad Sign. Like, the smart and well-heeled are leaving Canada in droves, not to mention investments. Like the housing market that is crashing, even in Victoria where such things are truly rare. Like the insane food prices, forcing ordinary people to visit food banks for the first time ever. While the Feds are giving themselves substantial pay raises.
And as for Unity, our BC ‘premier’, one David Eby, distinguished himself by labelling people who are openly considering leaving the warm embrace of Canada, a few hundred thousand people in Alberta, Saskatchewan and Quebec, as ‘traitors’. That should really cement the bonds of affection in Canada and also, spread joy among the numerous Chinese institutions that are working non-stop to herd Canadians into a New World Order with the blessings of our ‘prime minister’. I look forward to the days when we change our Street names not just to unpronounceable Aboriginal names but to Chinese ones, written in Mandarin. Call it another sign that everything’s fine in Canada, especially in the West.
The latest sign that things in this country are run by a bunch of big yellow dumbbells is the silence emanating from Ottawa when Danielle Smith threw down the gauntlet of a pipeline plan to Prince Rupert, Eby huffed and puffed and said ‘over his dead body’, and Smith sweetly reminded him that this was a test for Canadian Unity. Either we’re a country and support each other or we’re not, she said. I would say that lady knows her dumbbells and how to wield them effectively.
We have our dumbbells and we have signs about them, and we have an election that will yet again use stupid propaganda and make it all Trump’s fault. He makes such a perfect scapegoat that the Liberal Party will once again demonize him and paint the suave snake Carney as our saviour. And once again, they will dupe the part of the electorate that can only be called Canadian Dumbbells. They are the old boomers who are sitting in their paid off houses feeling virtuous while allowing the country to disintegrate.
Shame on them. They’re the traitors because they refuse to look reality in the face and admit that maybe a lot of Canada’s problems are our own doing. Like voting for a banker whose investment portfolio in the US has shot up like a rocket since his election, as if he was actively doing things to make that happen. They are Canadian Dumbbells and they need a sign to wake them up.
And if you need hard numbers and charts to believe that Canada is sinking into a debt hole so deep nobody could ever pay it, have a look at this podcast by a young, energetic and smart Canadian who regularly regales his audience with charts and stats that are truly appalling.
Dumbbells up, people. We’ve already lost the financial battle and that is the first hurdle towards a failed state. Yep, I’m in a bad mood and guess what? I hate Carney and everything he stands for and the outrageous lies he peddles. Above all, he has no right to lecture us about freedom from oppression; he never fought for it, he simply inherited it. And is now squandering the blood-soaked freedoms we take for granted in the west and in Canada. But Freedom isn’t free. Remember that when you stand in the election booth. It’s the tiny bit of democracy we still own.