Magnificent Spring
On the upside of Sex, Harems and Musk
Hello everyone, I haven’t forgotten you, no, I’ve been ruminating on how to write about spring and Sex during these trying times. Because after all, Easter is coming and that’s about bunnies and babies and what’s upstream of that, sex. But I found that analyzing femcels, incels, trans ladies, porn addictions and puberty blockers somehow failed to inspire me. I literally can’t talk about any of that stuff, the dark underbelly of what passes for sex in the west. It’s depressing and shows few signs of improvement though there are plenty of people working on it. I just want to keep a smile on my face while I write, so here we go.
Cockburn (nomen est omen) at the Spectator inspired me with his hilarious musings on who would/could be Musk’s next baby mama. He has a ton of fun describing these lovelies and keeping it light and frothy. Way to go. He avoids that deplorable tone of moralizing that always creeps into discussions like this. But let’s face it, the greatest men generally didn’t just have one woman, they had several, if not an entire Harem. And who are we to judge them? We can’t even keep our own population from collapsing, we have to import millions of immigrants just to keep things going. We apparently forgot that we’re here to reproduce, not argue about which wrong body we happen to have today. And while bringing back the Harem might not be in the cards, Musk is certainly bucking the trend to be ‘free and childless’; instead showing everyone that having a bunch of kids is well, a good thing. Sure, he can afford it, you mutter. And many ordinary folk find that money does matter when it comes to having kids. That issue needs some attention, all you nice politicians out there who are looking for things to get excited about. Seriously. Talk about the fact that Millenials aren’t able to form families for lack of housing. Just do it.
While we figure that out, let’s just for fun tune in to Suleyman the Magnificent, (1494 -1566) who like all Sultans of the Ottoman Empire, was required to keep up (ahem) a huge number of nubile, always available young women in an enclosed space called the Harem where aside from him, only castrated males were allowed to enter. And when the Sultan felt a little horny, he literally ordered his ‘favourite’ or maybe the new, red haired Russian slave Alexandra, to be ‘prepared’ for his pleasure. If you’re visiting Istanbul, you can walk around in the Topkapi Palace Harem, worth a visit if only for the truly extraordinary architecture,
This was serious business, not fun: this was making sure there were plenty of heirs for the succession, and no mistake. They thought that was important and had it all organized. There were some hitches, but this is a fun post, so I will ignore them. The Sultan could marry, but was still was required to keep the ladies in the Harem pregnant as well. This naturally led to all kinds of intrigues, heartbreak and what not, all of which has been faithfully re created in a lavish Turkish TV series appropriately entitled Magnificent Century. It’s on YouTube but I can’t link it to the site , so sorry.
It is literally endless, I keep finding new episodes after the 130th, and it is utterly addictive because it tells the tale of how that aforementioned Russian redhead captured the Sultan’s heart, married him though he was already married and became the most powerful Sultana in the empire, while bearing four sons and a daughter for good measure. She worked hard and became a national icon. Ironically, the role of Hurriem, the laughing one, as Suleyman named her, is played by Meryem Uzerli, a gorgeous German born Turkish actress who simply owns the part though she left the show under murky circumstances before it was done. Apparently, there were as many intrigues on set as in the tale of Suleyman and Hurriem itself.
I thought she was fabulous and became fascinated with her because, strange coincidence, she was born in Kassel, the provincial capital of Hessen, the town I grew up in and where some of my relatives still live. She is the offspring of Turkish Gastarbeiter, or temporary workers, that came to Germany to help rebuild it during the sixties and seventies. And who after about three generations, were granted permanent citizenship. It’s somehow fitting that the daughter of Turkish immigrants in Germany plays the part of the most famous Sultana of the Ottomans with conviction to spare.
See, that’s the power of sexual allure and all you youngish women out there should think twice before marrying your job; it might be smarter and more lucrative to simply become Elon’s Baby Mama #15. Joke! But there can be no doubt that Elon is simply the new Suleyman, he is Musk the Magnificent, and in 2050 or much sooner, there will be a hugely popular and equally endless series about his life and loves on whatever Netflix or Amazon evolves into in days to come. And you don’t even have to approve of him to watch. Just enjoy the show, go with the flow…
It’s something positive to look forward to and we really do need to imagine a future filled with not just Elon babies but everybody’s babies, frolicking in fields of daisies.
And that’s a fun rhyme!
That’s what spring is about, people. Babies.
Wishing a very Happy Easter to You and Yours.