The Heart Attack
A letter to the Gods
Image by Monika Ullmann
Other Substack writers often inspire me and CJ Hopkins is one of them. He is the guy who lives in Berlin, writes in English and has the entire German State, Sieg Heil, on his back. Recently he wrote about his personal inability to crank up the Hate Meter that is getting such startling energy and attention. The man is a first-rate satirist and has done a stellar job of describing the Hate Machine bedevilling us.
I think something’s wrong with my Hate Machine. I’ve got it turned up to 10, but I’m still not feeling it. The hate. The murderous, self-righteous hate. The mindlessly fanatical hate. I set the dial to “Palestinians.” Nothing. No reaction whatsoever. So, I set it to “Israelis.” Again, nothing. I just can’t seem to get my hate up. It’s embarrassing. Maybe there are some pills that would help.
As for me, I believe in being human and avoiding machine metaphors to describe how to cope with this extraordinary time. So, a poem on the subject of Hate/Love in the context of two murderous wars and general culture wars that show no sign of a ceasefire, poses an interesting challenge. Here it is and I hope it speaks to you.
MY HEART IS BROKEN
A Letter to God, Yahweh, Allah or possibly, AI
During these desperate days I ask myself
Is the human heart in two parts
One called Love/the other Hate
Are we just
simple Love/Hate Machines
With two buttons
One Red/one Black
I’m sure you have something to say about that
Supposing it is true
All we need to do
Is to make sure
We’re pushing the right button
The Red one for Love
For forgiveness, for humility
And building bridges of friendship below
And a stairway to what is above
to You, the Gods we do not know
It sounds simple But
too many people are pushing
The wrong button
With self-righteous indignation
Uttering—screaming—dark imprecations
Unfurling flags of murderous words
They do love hating the Other
Hate is the Mother of all wars
I’m sure you have thoughts on that, too
The trouble is/I lack the energy/ for either button
The Love/Hate switch of
my old heart is offline
Dead/kaput/gone awol
It’s like missing buttons on an old winter coat
Fraying in the bitter cold
Of an ancient hatred that
has devoured the Love part of my Heart
Dear Gods, wherever you are or whoever you might be
tell us how to turn our broken hearts
Into a new gestalt
Please return to the building we threw you out of
in a fit of pique & left brain idiocy
Kindly tell us that this
Hate cannot last
This fractured, bile-filled state
Will end soon
That we will find a way to solder the shattered pieces
Working carefully, ceaselessly
With the only glue/we ever knew
Love/Compassion/Humility etc etc
Help us to find that lost button
Sew it back onto the old coat
Of threadbare hope
Without it we will regret this looming winter
of gloomy discontent, danger
and futile anger
Any sign from you is welcome, I promise, we will listen this time
We were wrong about You
We are wrong about the Others
We are mostly wrong about everything
but can’t admit it
Very sorry to disturb you but it’s a heart attack emergency
We dare hope you are aware, paying attention, and sort of there there
Sincerely
Monika